Healing can take many forms: emotional healing, physical healing, conceptual healing, energetic healing. Often, different kinds of healing go hand in hand. For instance, you might find that healing a core emotional issue or a destructive belief pattern leads to the physical healing of symptoms or an illness you’ve had for a long time.
But what do you do when you stop healing? Or when your healing progresses very slowly? Or when, despite your best efforts, you just can’t find the right approach to move forward?
Of course, healing in all its forms is a highly complex, individualized, and multi-layered affair. It’s often difficult to pinpoint exactly what has healed us, or what has led to a healing crisis. There are too many factors involved. You have to become your own #1 advocate and healing detective. You have to try things out, experiment, and be willing to start again when something doesn’t quite work.
This is why we call healing a journey.
Even more than a journey, healing is a quest. You must be willing to go “questing,” to try approaches and strategies off the beaten path, to go on detours, to test different theories, to go through the process of trial and error repeatedly. You must become a researcher of healing, and your research subject is you.
Sound laborious? Well, it sort of is. That’s why many people would rather stay sick, or sad, or miserable, or unfulfilled rather than do the intense, demanding, continuous work of healing.
But you’re here, reading this — which means you would much rather do the work than stay sick, sad, miserable, or unfulfilled. Yup, me too!
Although many factors contribute to us becoming sick or unwell and to us becoming well again, this post suggests 3 possible reasons why you might not be healing or moving forward. I’ve come face to face with these situations in my personal experience, and I’ve also helped many clients identify and overcome them.
When we’re unwell or in pain — either physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually — we want to be well. Now. We want our annoying, distressing, painful, or uncomfortable symptoms and emotions to go away. This is why many people’s first approach is to run to the doctor or the psychiatrist to get a magic pill.
But, as we’ve sometimes had to learn the hard way, magic pills don’t exist. But what we really have to come to terms with is the fact that this desire to make all of our pain and discomfort go away immediately is the problem. Of course, it’s a natural desire. But the thing is that sometimes our pain and discomfort are there to teach us something. We’ve manifested them for a reason. There’s a lesson somewhere in them. Until we learn the lesson (and I mean, truly learn and apply the lesson), the pain and discomfort will continue.
Sometimes, despite our powerful desire and concerted efforts to heal, we just aren’t ready to heal. It isn’t the right time yet. Things haven’t fallen into place yet. Or it might be that we’re playing out some karmic issue. This is when we must remember divine timing.
Pushing, shoving, efforting, struggling, and trying to force healing to happen will never work. Especially if you’re just not there yet, or if you’re trying to avoid important steps on your healing journey.
A good mantra to remind yourself of divine timing and to cope with any frustration, doubt, fear, and hopelessness that come up: “I know that the Universe has my back. There’s a divine plan in place for me. I know that I’m always moving forward — even if it doesn’t feel like it. I accept where I am today. I don’t have to like it, and accepting it doesn’t mean not doing anything about it. But, for today, I will not struggle and I will not push. I trust the Universe’s benevolent plan for me.”
Past Life Vows
Another potential obstacle to your current healing might be a past life vow or contract. This is especially true if your issue, pattern, or illness has recurred many times in your present lifetime and you just can’t seem to shake it — no matter what you try. Past life issues become embedded in our energetic DNA. They are then reactivated when we experience certain situations in our present lifetimes.
Past life vows and contracts also become embedded in our energetic DNA. We carry them with us perpetually until we become aware of them and release them. An example (name & story below are based on general observations, not on any real person):
Nancy takes care of everyone else and puts herself last. She’s always been this way. She wants to please everyone and make sure everyone is happy. She says “yes” to every demand and sacrifices her own time, energy, dreams, and even money to care for others. Nancy is stuck in a pattern of self-sacrifice and, to some extent, self-punishment. This is because she made a vow of self-sacrifice in a past lifetime. Why?
Because in that lifetime she put herself first and ended up living by herself. She misidentified her past life situation as “putting herself first = being abandoned and lonely.” She therefore made a vow to never put herself first, because she never wants to experience abandonment and loneliness again. Until she identifies, acknowledges, and rescinds this past lifetime vow, Nancy will perpetuate her pattern over and over. She might not experience abandonment or loneliness, but she surely will experience exhaustion, resentment, and a lack of purpose by not following her dreams or properly caring for herself.
If you find yourself in a similar situation — perpetuating an uncomfortable, harmful, or self-limiting pattern over and over — you might need to work on your past life vows and contracts. We’ve all made these. It’s just a question of which ones you might have made. Here’s a list of the most common ones. Look it over and try to sense, in your gut, which of these apply to you:
- Vow of poverty
- Vow of chastity
- Vow of cloistering/solitude
- Vow of self-punishment (i.e., through an illness or disease)
- Vow of silence (i.e., not speaking up)
- Vow of self-sacrifice
- Vow of unfulfilling work (through jobs that don’t make you happy)
- Vow of invisibility (i.e., not being seen)
- Vow of not doing spiritual work (i.e., if you’re having trouble establishing a spiritual business or communicating with your Spirit Guides)
- Vow of servitude
- Vow to remain powerless (i.e., due to fear of your own power)
Through my Akashic Records work, I assist clients identify, work through, and release their past life vows. If your heart is calling you in this direction and what you’ve read resonates with you — learn more about that work here.
And that old friend, resistance
As humans, we’re always resistant to something: to growing, to evolving, to acknowledging the truth, to making a change, to exercising, to meditation. And, of course, to healing.
We resist healing especially in cases where the benevolent intent of our issue, problem, or symptom outweighs the benefit of resolving it. What does this mean? Whatever we do, no matter how harmful, destructive, or crazy it seems, there is always a benevolent intent and reason behind it.
Let’s go back to Nancy’s case. Nancy took care of everyone else and put herself last. We established that she made a past life vow of self-sacrifice… in order to avoid being abandoned and feeling lonely. This is her vow’s benevolent intent. In Nancy’s subconscious mind, the avoidance of abandonment and loneliness far outweighed any potential detriments of ALWAYS putting herself last. In fact, the avoidance of abandonment and loneliness became Nancy’s primary goal. Really, her only goal. This explains why her subconscious mind would put up strong resistance if Nancy tried to overcome the pattern, say “no” to someone’s demand or request, and put herself first.
A good strategy to figure out the benevolent intent behind your current behavior or situation is to ask: “How would my life be different if this problem/issue/symptom was resolved?”
For instance, a woman with a so-called “chronic” disease (to use Western medicine’s negative terminology) might ask herself: How would my life be different without this disease? The answers are obvious to her: she would have more energy, be able to play with her kids, finish some important projects, and go back to work. All things she really wants.
However, it might be that somewhere deep down, this person enjoys her alone time and would prefer not having to return to her old job — which she never really enjoyed — for 8 hours every day. The illness or uncomfortable symptoms are allowing her the freedom not to work. So the benevolent intent — even though it seems crazy and counterproductive — outweighs the perceived benefits of healing.
Now, of course, I’m not saying that this hypothetical person doesn’t actually want to heal. Of course she does. Of course she’s in real pain, and she really wants to heal — at least consciously. But her subconscious intentions are working against her, putting up a wall of resistance.
A good solution in this case would be for this person to begin re-conceptualizing her ideas/beliefs about work. Could she work part-time at first, just a few hours a week? Could she find a different kind of job, one she actually enjoyed? Could she work from home? Beginning to explore these alternatives is a good way to show the subconscious mind that she can have it both ways — she can heal and do enjoyable work at her own pace. It doesn’t have to be so black-or-white. This begins to lower the resistance, opening up a more promising avenue for healing.
Are you facing any of these issues or obstacles on your healing journey? Need some guidance, clarity, and potential next steps? I invite you to book a free 25-minute discovery session to talk about where you are, your current challenges, and how to move forward. I’d love to help in any way — no strings attached.